rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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