I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
