We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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