I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
