Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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