why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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