you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
