you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
