here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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