Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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