I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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