That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
