WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
