Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
