Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
