So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize