and you said cock pushups were impossible
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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