So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
