I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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