I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
