im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
