Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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