Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
