The maid of honor just puked.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just cropdusted the office
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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