we have pet lesbian snakes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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