This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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