Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
