Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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