Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to cum in my sink.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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