he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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