I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
