I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
