Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
