I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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