apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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