Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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