Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
