If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
