Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
