Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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