Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize