he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
