I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
