I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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