but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
