he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
