i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
