OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize