hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
