i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You may now shotgun with the bride
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
