There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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