the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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