im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
