Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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