Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
