I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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