So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
