I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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