i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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