i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
