I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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