Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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