I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
