So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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