Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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