No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
