No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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