she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
